Hair 2.0 and You (A Message from GeneSystems Health and Wellness Labs)

Hello, valued consumer! This is Vic Vanderbuck wishing all the best to you and yours in this exciting new stage of your life.

You recently decided to undergo GeneSystems’ Hair 2.0 service. Congratulations! We’re excited to be able to provide you with this new and exciting treatment to cure baldness, and we are pleased as punch that you decided to try out a subscription to Hair 2.0.

So, you may be wondering, “Gee Vic, what exactly is in store for me with this new Hair 2.0 service?” Well, I’ve got good news for you: It’s all good news.

The basic principle of Hair 2.0’s Hair-By-Mail service (patent pending) is that each month we send you out some new hair which you install on your head with the help of our patented Ad-Hair-Sive Gel. Simply apply the gel to your head, and dunk your noggin into the hairbag that we ship you on the first of every month!

Lets talk about the hair, first.

Hair 2.0’s Hair-By-Mail system relies on the consistent and speedy delivery of our fantastic synthetic hair to your mailbox every month. We engineered our synthetic hair follicles to endure even the toughest real-world situations, and after three months of testing, we decided to share our amazing discovery with the public. Synth-Hair looks, feels, smells, and yes, even tastes like regular hair*. Even the most discriminating barber wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between GeneSystems’ Synth-Hair and the real thing. Can’t even cut it with scissors, that’s how strong it is!

After about thirty days, the hair’s internal timers detonate, and it simply dissolves into an easily washed-off clear, odorless paste**. A small rinse in the sink and hey presto, you’re back to your old self again. Good as new, and ready for a new head of hair!

Next, let’s talk about that gel.

GeneSystems’ amazing Ad-Hair-Sive Gel comes in a small tube along with each shipment of Synth-Hair, right in your mail, once a month. Simply rub it on your hands, give your noggin a good massage with it, and dunk your head in the bag of hair***. The gel chemically bonds the hair with your own scalp, creating a hair stronger than actual human hair!

And hey, in case you wind up with a surplus of the gel, it can double as a bonding agent useful in many household tasks. Try replacing your household superglue with our amazing gel, and see the difference!

So, there you have it in a nutshell – Hair 2.0. Simple, right? We think so, too. We know you’ll enjoy your new hair, complete with designer colors hand crafted by Synth-Hair professionals shipped straight to your door every month.

This is Vic Vanderbuck, and from everyone here at GeneSystems Health and Wellness Labs, have a fantastic day!

* Do not place Synth-Hair into your mouth or any other body cavity. Synth-Hair is not rated for consumption by the FDA, and contains ingredients that may irritate the throat and lungs if inhaled. Avoid putting Synth-Hair near your eyes, nose, and mouth to maintain the highest levels of safety.
** Keep odorless paste away from pets and small children. Do not handle odorless paste near open flames. If paste contains offensive odor, please notify your doctor at once.
*** Do not apply Ad-Hair-Sive gel around long-haired pets or shag carpeting. Bonding is permanent for up to thirty days, and cannot be un-bonded for the duration of that time period. 
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